Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
