youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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