I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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