This is not my ceiling
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
