I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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