I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
