I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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