you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
