I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
