You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
