Apparently you make a good broom.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
