Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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