She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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