Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
