i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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