Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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