I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
