turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
