So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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