Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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