You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
