Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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