yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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