was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
did i just pee glitter
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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