I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
