I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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