Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
