$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
