Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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