Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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