Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
