two words...techno handjob
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
