New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
