adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well I just put wine in my tea
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
