i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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