no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
