Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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