I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
