Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
