from now on my penis is your penis
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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