Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Enjoy the penises
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So apparently I’m into choking now
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