I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
