I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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