For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
