4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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