i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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