I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
