Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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