omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
