There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
