Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
