You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
