Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
