New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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